Tag Archives: blog

Stimuli

The only currency that people actually possess is time. Time, in the sense of our own, personal time we have to spend on the Planet. So it becomes of crucial importance whom and what do we spend our time on.

There is no refund for the time spent. There is no contract offered to loan more time in case ours becomes limited. And there is no guarantee that we won’t run out of time at any given point in our lives.

So, don’t tell me the time I spent on you and you spent on me has no value. It’s like investing all your money in building a house and then leaving it empty, leaving it to time to rot and destroy. It’s not even like renting it or leaving it to the homeless people to live in. It’s like absolutely wasting it, locking it, nailing the windows with wood and leaving it to decay.

The question of time always evokes questions about waste. So there are at least two stimuli in a person’s life – making good choices about time and avoid time waste. All else is a subject to negotiation. But time never is.

 

Stimuli

Source – Pinterest. Artist unknown.


A way to be

The morning light was yet demanding. There was a taste
in my mouth of something long gone. I did not know how
the story was supposed to go from now on, but the
morning light was demanding action. I really wanted to
refuse the world in those empty mornings but that was not
a way to be.
What amazed me was that nothing really mattered
anymore – failure or success, not even love. It had become
almost shameful to still be capable to love and fall in love in
those ugly days.
There is terrible ugliness in the world, but there is also
sublime beauty. Bottom line is, at least the world is
knowable. Sooner or later, closer to the hearth or at the end
of the earth, the world gets to everyone.

 

Oct 2017

 

 

 


right where

In any case, for me being published means being in excruciating pain and saying it out loud. Тhat is a form of bravery in my world. It was never about the possible popularity or the attention of my acquaintances, or the questions everyone would start to ask. It was about being able to communicate all the things that had happened, all the things that I am.

                  August 2015

 


In any case

It’s not really about the ground or the neutral state of consciousness of the mob. In any case many people spend most of their lives thinking about nothing in particular and talking about the same. Many people spend most of their lives imitating love and ignoring the same. Trading love for attention or need and chasing away the same. Care and attention wear the mask of love just like beauty wears the mask of wreck. Love is above. Don’t dirty it with casual words, or imitated feelings and actions. Love is above, don’t lower it to complications. Love is simple.

He, in particular, was always talking about some truths that I had not yet discovered, about some things that it would take me months to realize. Sometimes I was thinking that even he didn’t realize what was he doing. It was just so natural for him to spread truth around.

He, particularly, designed his words with the purest of fire. No matter right or wrong, they were pure. My poetry started loosing its meaning and that was a perfect sign for me of my existential collapse. He could not be compared to anything I ever needed to beware. I was ready to give him every piece of my share, just wanted him to meet me there – where every sound was heard loudly and every word spoken bravely.

I tried evoking love to come to him. He was empty though. Empty but not in the ordinary sense of emptiness. He was empty like a hollow guitar that resonated every sound, he resonated every truth, every sense. So I became part of him, of his insights. Wholeness. Now, we just needed to entail love in that space of ours.

He was empty in another sense as well. He was emptied. Emptied by people who didn’t talk about anything in particular, by people who took words for granted, by people who used actions as weapons, and not as representation of feelings.

I was mad at that, furious at those people. I wanted his hollowness to be filled with the sounds of love.

April 2015


too

Too close to my skin. I’m falling in the borderline.

A fitting representation of two souls as one.

 


– – –

It’s truly a stasis.

Hold big thoughts and spend them on nothing.

The doors are closing now, run to the window.

I will await down to catch your spilled feelings.


Soul Disconnected

That’s not me who you see. That’s where I live. It’s not me who walks on those sidewalks, who goes up and down the stairs. It’s not me who crosses the street. It’s not me who looks at you. It’s what I look through. It’s where I live now. That’s where my eternity is put into boundaries. I’m in the `someday` and breathe through the `always`. I ramble. I gamble with the things my body does, so that I could stay here among you a little longer. Bodies are taught in dependence, whereas I had no teacher. I am the original sense, I am the authentic vibe. The common vibe. The one that goes between me and you, him and her, and then between all of us, and then….

I lost everything today and I haven’t felt more alive. In the endlessness. Fragment and defragment. You lose things in your touch with bodies. Something in the way I exist makes people feel doubtless. I got too close to what my body was doing and I got wounded by the mediocrity of the feelings it gets. Reason comes after, if it comes at all. I got lost in reason once. That’s when I start losing the vibe but it did not lose me. It came after me and got me by the hand, and then I smiled with a smile only closed eyes can see, and then I breathed again infinitely, and then…

I look at the wind and it reminds me what I am. I am ephemeral, I am eternal. I am here and I’m there. I’m too young in time to care. I only know how to dare cross all the lines they draw, and all the fields, all the mountains, all the seas and then…

I see the size of colours

The scope of the vibe.

And then….

The great escape.

November 2014


simply

Comfort is the feature of the closed mind.

A voice it is, they say.

It is not even a whisper anymore, if you ask me.

My mind is gambling with `yes` and `no`.

Oh, what a performance of doubt.

Simply, there are people who are worthy to suffer for. But don’t take the short cut, never take the short cut.

There’s where the story stays.

August 2014

 


*

A water that shares too many seas. A sea that shares too many shores.

Cruelly, Love.


the land

How many times I’ll have to break myself before my pieces are all gone…You should make up your mind now, because my attitude towards your indecision will end up in an unpleasant way. My words stay silent sometimes, my pen, though, won’t spare you what you deserve. What troubles you you deal with by noon and then you are ready to mess it all up again. Fast and firm. All this is getting tense but it’s not starting to make sense

to you.

I’d probably prefer the little loveless at the end. Never mind all the troubles that he caused.

Sometimes in a far-away land,

we encounter close-to-us people.

Sometimes in them,

we find out needed freedom.